Tag Archives: love

Lemons & Roses

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When you meditate on a candle flame with the scent of roses and lemons drifting around you, it might be expected that it would raise issues of sadness (lemons) and hope (roses). Here is the result of such a meditation that I enjoyed (if that is the correct word considering the amount of tears it evoked) earlier in the week. When you’ve read this post take a look at the poem Soul Beacon which echoes the thoughts written here.

I’m doing a lot of meditation lately, and finding it very therapeutic – a way of putting back together my shattered and scattered soul. I quite recommend it. Anyway first is the journal images invoked by concentrating on the candle flame:lemon & rose candle

I’ve coloured it using watercolour pencils without the added water and so apologise for its faint subtlety. You will see that a variety of emotions were released both sorrowful and hopeful.

I then wrote a letter to myself in response to these identified emotions and thoughts. It is a strange piece of writing for me, written as a flow of consciousness with very little forethought and planning – simply responding to the images and words I drew in my journal. I found it odd writing objectively to myself … but the results are interesting, relevant and personally, very helpful. It was if someone else was directing the words – my higher self really does know best.

Dear Elvenstardancer                                                                                                                                                                     8th April 2014

It distressed me to read the words you wrote down on your Rose and Lemon candle page. Many of the words are indicative of Heartbreak and a fragmented Soul. You feel that you have been let down, abandoned by those who love you whether deliberately or not, and yet, despite the hurt shining so painfully from the page, I detect Hope there, too.

I know you feel abandoned, lost in the Dark, but Light pushes the darkness away. Light will always overcome the Dark, it is a matter of Universal Law. Yet the Universe is a place of Balance and without the Dark the Light cannot shine. Sometimes we need to experience the Dark in order to shine all the more brightly. You have had more than your fair share of loneliness, fear and emptiness and I know that your Heart aches with longing for a true, and deep, reciprocal Love. Be strong Sweetling, there is plenty of Love in the Universe, plenty enough for even you – yes even you! I think you know this, from the words you have written, scattered amongst the Heartache.

There are many positive words there that suggest healing is possible and maybe even begun – words such as dancing, guiding, beacon, a flame in the dark, a seed growing towards the Light. These all suggest to me that you are looking forward not backwards. They tell me that your Heart is open and ready, waiting for Love to settle there.

You tell me that you have an abundance of Love to give, which is true – hold on to that, my Sweet One, for if Love is given, Love can only be returned – to fill the vacuum that is left behind. Be that beacon you saw in the candle flame, be the guiding light in the Dark and draw Love to you for it will surely come. Love responds to the Light so let Love shine from you. Let your Dreams be known to the Universe and shine, Lady, shine in the Darkness. Send your Love out into the Void and allow your Heart and Soul to grow within your own inner Light, and that of Universe Light. Then watch Love return to you Threefold.

Be Light, Be Love, Be Laughter X x

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Soul Beacon

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Written to express my loneliness – sending out a beacon of love …

Soul Beacon

Dark sky a starry, starry quilt

A light across the heavens spilt

My soul a beacon in the night

To guide you home, the web pulls tight

 

Wild sea an angry raging wrath

But moonlight paints a silver path

My loving net, to point the way,

And catch your soul adrift in spray

 

Storm whipped winds spin through the sky

Tossing clouds and spells awry

Deliver safe my heartfelt plea

A lodestone for the lost, to be

 

Bright rainbow forms a bridge of sighs

A link to you across the skies

The wavelengths of my soul I send

Searching, flowing wide they wend

 

The ancient rocks with strength embedded

Tremble with the tears I shed

As I await a sign that speaks

Of the missing, found – that my heart seeks

 

Old trees a conduit of my dreams

Their whispers, through the ages, stream

To fill your heart, your love awaken

A message sent, its meaning taken

 

Your heart sits softly in my hand

Its beat drums out cross sea or land                                       

Of steadfast love its pulses rhyme

Pounding down through space and time

 

Flaming star betwixt the clouds

The sign awaited, banish doubt

Allowing hope to rise and bloom

To burn away such aching gloom

 

Cold snow a drifting, dancing mist

By snowflakes soft, my face is kissed

In lieu of you; then swirling round

They paint your face on frozen ground

 

Dawn’s sun a globe of molten gold

 Its rays reach out my heart to hold

And melt the ice where footsteps sound

By soul light’s beacon, heart-home found

Mindful Meditation Course – my connections with the Earth

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Earth bubble meditation

For my first mindful meditation exercise I was asked to reflect on what the Earth meant to me – how it nurtured me. It was delightful and I churned out the usual clichés of firm foundations, food, water, oxygen, cycles of life and death etc. etc.

But it’s not true – that’s how I want it to be, not how it is! What does it really feel like – standing here, on the earth, at this time in my life – possibly how it’s been for all of my life? In reality, it feels like I’m standing on the edge of a volcano – as per Torville & Dean’s Bolero dance, or at the end of a road, like that at Aldbrough, the one that just ends in a warning sign as it steadily falls, yard by yard, metre by metre, year by year, into the ocean – ripped from the very foundations of rock and chalk and sedimentary mud. At any moment, I feel as if I might tumble over the edge of that broken road into the loving arms and relative freedom of the wild, wide ocean, or plummet into the burning purity of the volcano – no lover to keep me company though – no lovers pact there; or worse that gravity will fail and I will drift off into the void, no longer connected to this earth at all – I will just float off drifting, hopefully peacefully, in space forever – a pathetic and eternal monument to a broken heart.

And isn’t that what I yearn for anyway – as Stardancer – to soar off into the vast dark emptiness, and dance amongst the stars.

How can I be connected and nurtured if all I ever want is to vanish into my fantasy world – one so much nicer than this one, where I’m loved and protected and strong and necessary. Instead I’m slowly and inexorably dissolving into invisibility and nothingness.

Despite my love of gardening and environmental issues; despite regular grounding exercises; my use of haematite crystals and aromatherapy oils; my Qabala tree meditations; my Happiness group (where I seem able to help everyone but myself) … my connection with earth is tenuous and becoming more so as each day passes. Each empty day … when I wake wondering if today is the day everything changes; it never does, of course.

So piece by piece, thread by thread, I disconnect those links with earth, preferring my inner world of subconscious and conscious dreams. Will I really disappear, will one day, someone come to visit and find nothing left of me except an empty pile of clothes on the floor or a rumpled heap of bed linen, whilst I swan off to … well … actually … that’s private. Anyway, let me say – wherever it is, I welcome it, it cannot come too soon; but, hell, even this doesn’t materialise – I’m even invisible to my dreams.

I’m not depressed – please don’t get me wrong … just lost, and invisible, and disconnected … yet with so much love in my heart for this beautiful Earth, and so much more love to give elsewhere to whoever, whatever, whenever … here, or in desperation, elsewhere. No not depressed, just a tiny bit mad, I think. Now I’m justifying the unjustifiable and unnecessary – and that’s self pity. Not a good look!